Why Beauty Standards Are Toxic & How to Overcome Them

Since childhood, we are taught that dolls are for girls and cars are for boys. Pink is for girls and blue is for boys. Similarly, society feeds us an image of what beauty should look like for women- fair skin, slim figure, perfect proportions. But who decided this? and why is it that anything outside this mould is seen as "less than"?

It doesn’t stop at appearance. Women are also expected to behave a certain way- keep their hair long, wear makeup, eat less than men. If you look closely, so much of this is about one thing- fitting into the beauty standard that society has glorified. A qualitative study (Patgiri, 2016) on Indian women found that many wear makeup even when they know it harms their skin, simply because they feel pressured to look a certain way. Over the years, the message has been clear: “do whatever it takes to fit in, even if it hurts you.”

When Success Gets Overshadowed by Facial Hair

Recently, a story made headlines across India; one that should have been about academic brilliance but was turned into something entirely else. A girl topped the board exams in one of India’s largest states, an incredible achievement. But instead of celebrating her marks, the internet fixated on her facial hair. Yes, facial hair! The natural, biological reality of every human.

Cyberbullies flooded social media with cruel comments. Instead of praising her intelligence, they questioned why she hadn’t shaved. It was as if her success didn’t matter because she didn’t fit society’s rigid beauty norms.

But her response? Pure resilience. She stated that her family, friends, and teachers never made her feel like her looks mattered more than her achievements. She also retorted that her marks, and not her facial hair, would determine her future. Her parents stood by her, too- proud of her hard work, ignoring the trolls.

However, not everyone has this kind of support system. Cyberbullying rooted in unrealistic beauty standards can take a devastating toll on mental health. The student even admitted that for a moment, she wished she had scored lower to avoid the harassment. That’s where the real problem lies- women constantly feeling like their worth is tied to their appearance, no matter what they accomplish.

The Mental Health Toll of Unrealistic Beauty Standards

This isn’t just about one girl. It’s about millions of young people struggling under the weight of impossible beauty expectations. Research backs this up. A study (Kholmogorova et al., 2018) found that young people living in big cities, where beauty standards are aggressively promoted, experienced higher levels of body dissatisfaction and physical perfectionism compared to those from provincial towns. Parental criticism and dysfunctional family communication also played a big role in shaping these insecurities.

In simple terms, the more society tells young people they are “not good enough” unless they look a certain way, the more they struggle with self-worth. It only gets worse when these messages start getting reinforced at home.

Redefining Beauty in the 21st Century

Edmund Burke, in his Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful (1757), wrote that beauty is not about perfection or proportions—it is something that acts upon the human mind through our senses. Even in the 18th century, when far less was known about human psychology, he understood that beauty is subjective.

Yet here we are, in the 21st century, still obsessing over how women should look. In a world filled with real issues like education, healthcare, law, poverty, climate change, why is society still fixated on whether a woman is shaving her arms or wearing lipstick?

It’s time to change the conversation. Beauty isn’t one size fits all. It never was. And a woman’s worth will always be more than the way she looks.

How to Break Free: A Psychologist’s Toolkit

I believe that awareness is the first step toward change. But beyond awareness, we need tools to actively shift our mindset. Here are some evidence-based exercises and strategies to promote self acceptance:

1. Curate Your Social Media – Follow pages that promote body positivity and real beauty. Unfollow or mute content that makes you feel insecure.

2. Cognitive Restructuring – The next time you catch yourself thinking, “I need to look a certain way,” challenge that thought. Ask yourself why? Is it truly your choice or a conditioned belief?

3. Mirror Exposure Therapy – This technique is used in psychology to help individuals develop a healthier self-image. Stand in front of a mirror and observe yourself without judgment. Notice your features without labeling them as good or bad. Over time, this can reduce body dissatisfaction.

4. Body Gratitude Journal – Every day, write down three things you appreciate about your body that have nothing to do with appearance. For example, “My legs allow me to walk and explore new places.”

5. Speak Up – Call out unrealistic beauty standards when you see them, whether it's in ads, movies, or conversations. The more we talk about it, the more we can change the narrative.

6. Support & Encourage – Compliment people for their skills, intelligence, and kindness instead of focusing on their looks.

7. Educate the Next Generation – Teach children that beauty comes in all forms, colours, and sizes. Show them examples of strong, confident women who broke stereotypes.

By incorporating these small but meaningful changes, we can start to undo years of conditioning and reclaim beauty on our own terms.

References

Kholmogorova, A., Tarhanova, P., & Shalygina, O. (2018). Standards of physical beauty and mental health in children and young people in the era of the information revolution. International Journal of Culture and Mental Health, 11(1), 87-98.

Patgiri, R. (2016). The Beauty Syndrome: A Study of Beauty and Gender in India. Social Sciences International Research Journal ISSN, 2395-0544.

Zeki, S. (2019). Notes towards a (neurobiological) definition of beauty. Gestalt Theory, 41(2), 107-112.

Zimik, C. (2016). Women and body image: A sociological study of women in India. Smart Moves Journal Ijellh, 4(6), 11-11.